For some, getting to know a new person is a breeze. Others find it difficult, even painful, to talk to new people and have no clue how to go about it.
Some questions will reveal basic information about a person, and others – things that might genuinely surprise you.
Icebreaker questions
Here are a few good ones to ask someone you just met:
- What do you do in your free time?
- Where did you grow up?
- What is your favorite type of music or band?
- What is your favorite book or movie?
- What are your hobbies or interests?
- Do you have any pets?
- What do you do for work?
- What are you studying?
- What is your favorite food or cuisine?
- Do you have any siblings?
- What is your favorite travel destination?
You could proceed to deeper questions, such as:
- What are your hidden talents?
- What are your goals for the future?
- Would you change anything about yourself?
- What are you passionate about?
- What makes you angry?
- What is your favorite thing about your career?
- What motivates you to work hard?
- What makes you laugh the most?
- What is the worst thing about your job?
- What achievement are you proudest of?
Listen to their responses and look for cues. Don’t ask them whatever pops into your head. With time, people reveal information about themselves naturally. What you can find out about someone will surprise you.
If you manage to keep the conversation going, they’ll probably end up answering questions you didn’t even ask.
Be an active listener
Listen to their responses carefully to learn as much as possible about them. Supplement this with tactics such as making eye contact, leaning or turning toward them when they speak, nodding, not interrupting, and restating what they said.
Don’t be afraid of silence
When faced with awkward silence, people often default to rapid-fire questions or start talking too much. Research shows it takes at least three weeks for conversation patterns between people to take rhythm and get comfortable. Don’t fear awkwardness; lulls in your interaction are perfectly normal.
Pay attention to their body language
If they give animated responses or make a lot of gestures, you’ve found a topic that excites them. A brief response or head turn away from you indicates disinterest.
Try to share, but not too much
It’s a good idea to talk about yourself a bit because relationships shouldn’t be one-sided. The person needs to be able to get to know you. At the same time, avoid giving too much information, as oversharing is the quickest way to kill a conversation. You cause someone to lose interest in you.
Relate your personal experience to something you asked them about. If they say rude people make them angry, you can say, “Me too! The rudest person I ever had to deal with…” and try to tell a memorable story.
People who find it difficult to connect with themselves also have a hard time connecting with others. Develop your interests and hobbies so you can broaden your experiences and have more to talk about.
Make few, but sincere compliments
Overdoing compliments feels insincere and puts people off. If you want to compliment their appearance, limit it to their clothes or accessories. Don’t comment on their size or looks, even if you think you’re saying something nice.
Don’t give advice
If someone you met recently starts sharing their problems, you might be tempted to give advice. Hear them out with empathy instead. If they ask what you would do in those circumstances, tell them you’re not sure, their problem sounds really tough, and you’ll try to help if they need anything.
Don’t ask for advice, either. When you keep asking someone questions like “What should I do” or “Did I do the right thing”, they will start to feel uncomfortable. This would be the case even if you only wanted to show them you appreciate and value their input.
